how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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