He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Every concussion has its silver lining
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
