She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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