it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
