Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
