im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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