just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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