did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
