She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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