i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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