All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
