what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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