I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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