Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
