vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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