i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize