I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
