Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you had me at cake vodka
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
