I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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