I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
