I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
