I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
