So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
