Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
