my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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