you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
