How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
