I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
