Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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