Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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