I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize