you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
