literally had 100 drinks last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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