will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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