anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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