She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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