I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
