Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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