I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
