I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
