Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
