You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
