she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
