It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
