Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
