T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
