I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize