sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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