I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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