I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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