I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
