Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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