Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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