There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its liver damage thursday
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
