I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
