frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
