Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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