ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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