i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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