and next time when you feel me up, do it right
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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