I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
