Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
