ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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