i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize