I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
