Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
