Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
