I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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