you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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