It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
