I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
