She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
