I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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