have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
